“You know”, said my client, “I learnt something this week that’s really got me thinking. It’s this idea of perception makes projection. I’m getting it. I think I’m getting it.”
“Tell me more”, I encouraged.
“Well,” she explained,”sometimes I’ll be talking to one of my team members about something that’s really important to them. And I’ll promise to do something or find out some information and get back to them. Then, when I get back to my office and the day-to-day work kicks in, I totally forget about the promises I made, with the result that I don’t follow up and don’t follow through. So, I’m beginning to think that, I come across as authentic and caring, because I do – you know – not just in that moment when we’re together; but then when reality kicks in and I don’t follow through? That tells a different story.”
Actions speak louder than words comes to mind. I choose to ask a question instead.
“So what have you noticed about your team members when this happens?”
“Well, one in particular. I worked hard to build a good relationship. As they learned to trust me, they started opening up and really blossom in their work. And then when something like this happens, they withdraw. It’s happened several times and now… it is like they’re on their guard now and hold on to things. I have to draw them out – much like in the beginning. It’s like they don’t trust me so much anymore.”
“What does this have to do with Perception Makes Projection?” I asked.
“When they trust me, when they perceive me as trustworthy, they act on that perception, and project their trust by being open and trusting with me. Their perception translates into action based on their perception; what it means to them; how they see the situation at that time. Their action is the projection of their perception… ”
We both ponder this for a while, letting it sink in. “Get’s a bit convoluted,” she comments after a while.
“When I don’t follow through, they see me as uncaring; they’re less trusting. They take me for someone who appears to care, but doesn’t really, even though I do – I care a lot.” Another pause… “But my action does not convey that I truly care and that I mean what I say, so now they don’t trust me; they are wary and because of that they are more cautious and withdrawn. And I lose out. They lose out. The team loses out and ultimately the organisation loses out. I did not see this before. Now it makes sense to me…. Perception makes projection… Yes… Makes sense…”
And I suddenly feel like John ‘Hannibal’ Smith from The A-team, when, after a successful mission, he would exclaim: “I love it when a plan comes together.” Except I don’t have to resort to A-team shenanigans; just a good dose of listening, providing the space for deep learning and much love.
If you’re brave and courageous, you may want to check out your own perceptions and projections. Here’s two questions to get you started:
1) How are your actions perceived? Are you ‘acting what you mean’ or are your actions telling a different story? Maybe one you did not intend? Leading to unexpected and unwanted consequences?
2) Where are you projecting a perception that is totally skewed? Say someone snaps at you and you snap right back thinking they are deliberately being horrible to you. What you may not know is that they are hurting. They might have lost someone or something dear to them and they are reacting to that, not you. If you knew, would you see it differently and act differently?
Let me know… I love to hear from you.
Photo Credit: Thomas Boulvin
