It is that time of year; December; the season to be jolly, when social calendars fill up with Christmas parties, end of year parties, New Year’s Eve parties, the high days themselves and last and often least, birthdays in December.

Being this sociable is not everyone’s cup of tea. Some of us get highly anxious when we have to step outside our social comfort zone. It may be meeting strangers, facing your colleagues at a rowdy office party, a family reunion, Aunt Bessie’s incessant talking at the dinner table or that off-site day your manager arranged with the entire team. Whatever it is for you, here are 4 Steps to help you stay calm and collected, peaceful and gracious in these stressful and anxiety inducing situations.

1. BREATHE: When we get anxious and stressful, we tend to hold our breath, inviting even more stress into our bodies. Breathing in and out deeply and slowly tells our minds and our bodies to relax. A deep breath in, use your diaphragm and breathe in your tummy, takes fresh oxygen to the cells of your body, encouraging them to work more efficiently and effectively and allows for  more carbon-dioxide to be carried back to the lungs to be expelled when breathing out. Three  slow deep breaths are all you need to start feeling less anxious, so keep breathing.
2. OBSERVE. Just notice what is going on for you in the situation. There is no need to judge yourself, the situation or others. Observe your mind chatter and let it go. One way to let it go is to comment (to yourself) interesting situation here. Interesting that I should feel anxious. Interesting that I should worry about being appropriately dressed. Interesting that I should feel nervous about talking to others and leave it at that.
3. AFFIRM. This is where you give yourself a boost. I am a gracious guest. I am willing to enjoy myself while I am here.  Or ask yourself a question: How can I enjoy myself while I am here? How can I easily talk to someone else? Asking these questions pre-supposes that it is possible for you to enjoy yourself and easily talk to someone else. What’s more, when you ask a question, you trigger your brain to look for an answer. Don’t be surprised if it comes up with something you can action. The idea behind AFFIRM is that you simply acknowledge yourself, even if in that moment you don’t quite feel it. It will pass. Simply breathe, notice and let it go.
4. REFLECT.  In your own time after the event, ask yourself what you learned from it. What did you enjoy? What went well? What did not? What would you do differently next time? How can you bring what you’ve learned into everyday situations so that it becomes second nature and take the sting out of those situations you feel particularly anxious about?

So next time you’re faced with an anxiety inducing situation, practice BOAR:  Breathe, Observe, Affirm, Reflect and watch yourself gaining confidence and poise as you calmly show up in event after event.

Let me know how it works for you and let us know your tips for coping with stressful social events too. You can share them right here in the comments. I would love to hear from you 🙂

Photo Credit: Lovlea