Mind Games part 1 looked at self-talk, especially negative self-talk. Every day you give yourself 26 million messages. Perhaps you are aware of some. Thoughts like ‘I am no good at this’; ‘how could I be so stupid’ or the one I overheard this morning: ‘I am such an ineffective human being.’
A Bleak Picture
It’s a bleak picture I know. Let’s not go there. Let’s find something to distract ourselves with – read a magazine instead or watch some TV.
So you open up a magazine and what do you see? Stick thin models and celebrities parading what ‘attractive’ and ‘beautiful’ should be. What’s more, their lives are like an open book. Every nuance of a scandal, a break up, every happy and not so happy event seems ‘fair game’ for a gossip hungry world. Are their lives any happier than yours?
You turn to the TV or radio. Somebody got murdered, another was raped, yet another the victim of identity fraud, someone’s home was burgled, a promising young adult had his life cut short in an unfortunate accident. My, oh my! And the economic outlook is even worse than predicted and your football team lost their game.
You don’t fit in
So it goes on, day in, day out, year in, year out. Now you have evidence: bad things happen. The world is a dangerous place. What’s more, YOU don’t fit in. You are not skinny like the models in the magazines. You don’t have a boyfriend or if you do, it’s only because it is expected that you should have one, but really, you’d be much happier without him.
This goes on and on, at least in the Western world, for much of the female population. I know. I’ve been there, heard my girlfriends, female colleagues, our daughters and their friends. I cannot speak for what goes on in a man’s mind. From what I’ve seen and heard though, is much the same.
72,000 thoughts a day, 24 / 7, 365 days a year. No wonder you are miserable! And ‘who’ or ‘what’ is causing your misery?
In desperation you call a friend:
I am so miserable! And then I had a whole slab of chocolate whilst watching TV. Now I feel sick! I am such a slob. I am so lazy. I am so useless!
Of course, you only call your ‘good’ friend. The one you know will commiserate with you and tell you her story about being fat, useless and not good enough. And there, for a brief period, you’re in heaven. You don’t feel so alone. Someone else feels just the way you do. Happy days! Have another chocolate!
The Gnawing at your soul
Yep! And then it starts all over again, on and on, like the steady dripping of water wearing away at solid rock. Drip, drip, drip, eroding your confidence, gnawing at your soul:
I am not good enough, I am not worthy, I will never be happy, I don’t deserve to be happy.
Oh yes! Those are the games your cheeky monkey mind is so good at. Very clever and very busy, it works hard to have you believe
I am not good enough
I am stupid
I am ugly
I am lazy
I am…
Fill in any number of missing blanks with descriptive words … positive or negative … and still the common denominator is: I AM
Look at those statements again. Imagine two columns with the ‘I am’ on the left and the descriptive words on the right. The mind is at work to have you believe that you are what’s shown in the right hand column, all those descriptor words; whereas you are what’s in the left hand column. The ‘I am’ – the bit that never changes, that is the REAL you. What some call the ‘I AM’ presence. What is real about that which always changes? It may seem so, no doubt about that, nevertheless, it’s not real.
Deep down the mind knows it’s leading you up a garden path. It knows the game it’s playing. And it is afraid, very afraid. Afraid that one day you will catch on and realise the tricks it’s been up to; that it is NOT the real you. Watch out when that happens, because it will get vicious and redouble its efforts to keep you in its grip.
Know this. Treasure it in your heart:
You are enough. There is no lack.
You are safe and you are loved.
Photo Credit: ktsimage
