It is time to be honest. Brutally honest. Nothing else will do.
I have been labouring under a double-edged sword.
You know how, when you have been working on a project and that project comes to an end, it creates somewhat of a void? That void wants to be filled. You want more of that drive, adrenaline and laser focus that gets the job done.
Post-project slump. That is where I am at. I know it well from my IT days, though it took me a while to recognise it this time around.
Then there are times when you are simply in resistance.
Let me give you a few examples:
- You know that yummy, gooey, death-by-chocolate cake that will send your blood sugar levels sky-high before it drops you into a sugar slump afterwards? You know it is not good for you, yet you have it anyway.
- You know your study schedule has been carefully worked out to manage your workload and stress levels, yet you go partying with your friends anyway.
- You know staying up late and not getting exercise makes you crabby, yet you watch that late-night movie and sleep late instead of getting up early for exercise and quiet time by yourself, anyway.
I’m sure you get the drift… and have a few guilty examples of your own you may want to share…
(It’s OK. You’re secret will be safe with me.)
Once again, it is hands up! That’s me. Resisting the work I ‘should’ be doing because I simply ‘don’t want to.’
That’s why I say, a double-edged sword: post-project slump combined with a serious bout of resistance.
Oh, what it means to be human!
This too shall pass away.
This quote has been a cornerstone in my life. I still use it.
It is a reminder that nothing in this world lasts forever. Life ebbs and flows. What goes up, must come down. Things change. It is good to be reminded that this too shall pass when you feel stuck in a situation that seems to be going on forever. It’s short enough to remember and use as a mantra.
Legend has it that an Eastern Monarch asked his wise men to give him words that would help him in times of trial and distress, brief enough to be engraved in a ring so he could have it with him always and appropriate to every situation.
They presented him with the words: This, too, shall pass away. Many verses have been written with this phrase the key sentiment, including writings by Paul Hamilton Hayne, Helen Steiner Rice and Grace Noll Crowell.
I also know that the best thing I can do for myself right now is to be kind and compassionate to myself.
I have learned that when you’re on a low, there is something clamouring for attention. It is your job to be curious and ask quality questions:
- What requires attention?
- What am I pretending not to know?
- What is this showing me? What is behind this?
It is important to live with the questions and not demand answers.
Demanding answers is the way of the ego, the small self. Instead, observe without judgement. Sit with the feelings. They will leave of their own accord if you let them be and let them go.
Does inquiry require courage? You bet! You might get uncomfortable answers, which can be fertile ground for more resistance and force the cycle to repeat again.
Watch out for that old dilemma: What you resist, persists and what you cannot be with, won’t let you be.
Awareness is key
Observe the antics of your mind. Observe your own resistance. Notice how it plays out in your attitudes, thoughts, behaviour, work, relationships, interactions and the way you treat yourself.
Ask yourself: ‘Who is doing the observing?’
Notice what comes up. Notice the sensations in your body. Notice the resistance.
Nick Williams wrote an entire book on resistance, Resisting your Soul. In it, he reminds us that relinquishing resistance can be a long-term process, like a fine wine taking time to mature. He recommends you cut yourself some slack when you are being impatient with yourself.
That is where kindness and compassion come in.
Or, do as a friend of mine advises: ‘Pull up your socks, Riana! Don’t be such a ninny! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!’
Simply google that phrase for plenty of ways to ‘make lemonade.’ For instance:
L – Laugh – it’s the best medicine
E – Embrace others and surround yourself with those who want you to thrive
M – Move forward with a fixed focus to make a tangible difference one day at a time
O – Open your mind and your heart
N – Notice all the things in your life to be thankful for
A – Adjust your attitude and expectations
D – Decide to challenge your circumstances and do unto others as you would have done unto you
E – Evaluate your actions instead of blaming others and remaining in “victim” mode.
Warning
Be warned though. What you don’t pay attention to this time, comes back to haunt you another time.
It can be hard to do this work on your own.
Find someone you can trust. Someone who is non-judgmental. Someone who will listen and hold the space for you.
Giving yourself the opportunity to have ‘a good listening to’ is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It is a form of self-care, compassion and being kind to yourself.
If not now, when? Schedule a time in my diary … let’s have a Conversation under the Baobab.
This I can promise you, when hearts and minds meet, magic happens.
