Perception. In my view, perception is a deceptive word. It has had me puzzled for a very long time.

I am also aware that my understanding of perception is evolutionary. A bit like science:  Just as you think you understand a particular aspect, another piece of information comes to light and changes your understanding of how things work and fit together.

The first time I came ‘head to head’ with this word, a good twenty plus years ago, my then manager called me into his office to discuss an aspect of my behaviour he was not best pleased about. Apparently I did or said something (the specifics elude me) that upset people in another department. So he talked to me about how to watch what I said or did so I don’t come across in a negative way and be misinterpreted because other people got the wrong end of the stick.

‘It’s all about perception, Avis’ he said. ‘No matter what you say or do, it is how people interpret what you say that matters.’

My response to that was

1)      I am not responsible for how they interpret things
2)      No matter what I say or do, they may still get the wrong idea
3)      As long as I know my intention is noble, that’s the best I can do and should be sufficient.

(My mind chatter is commenting right now ‘clearly you were not cut out for the corporate world’.)

From then on, perception was one of those words that did not sit well with me. Something felt very wrong and out of place.

Perception raised its head again at the next place of work. It seemed that ‘perception, perception, perception’ is to the world of work as ‘location, location, location’ is to the world of property. I heard several times from senior management. ‘It’s all about perception. We have to be seen to be…’  Once I was part of the team, I was surprised to find that the intent was most often for the best.

Then there was the time I was discussing the application of performance ratings with my mentor. I expressed my concern at what I judged to be an unfair practice and that I was not happy about it. He admitted he had the same concerns and decided that if that was what the job required of him, that is what he would do. It rankled and I found I could not or rather, would not do it. It was about perception again.

These days I am a bit clearer about perception. Perception is the interpretation, the meaning you give to what you see, what you hear. It is your personal experience of the world and therefore unique to you, ‘your world’.  And because of this personal experience, ‘your world’, you react to new events with reference to ‘your world.’

You filter all new experiences through ‘your world’. Put another way, you project ‘your world’ onto new events to make sense of them. If something does not fit ‘your world’, we often simply discard it.

So this then, I figure, is what they mean when they say ‘your external world is a reflection of your internal world’. And also where the saying ‘perception makes projection’ comes from.

I now also know that our perception of events, the truth as we see it, is not the whole truth. Someone else will have a different view, a different opinion. And I know that it is in my interest to question my own interpretation, my own story to allow for a greater truth to emerge. This is what Crucial Conversations call ‘Master my Story’ and what Byron Katie’s, The Work, ‘who will you be without your story’ is all about.

So with all this ‘growing up’ and evolutionary understanding of perception, how would I respond if I was called into an office to be admonished about not upsetting other people through what I say or do?

I would ask ‘What specifically did I say or do that made them think that?’ And if the comeback was something like ‘you were abrupt’, I would ask ‘what specifically did I say or do that gave the impression I was abrupt.’ I would continue until I got to something factual or I would ask them to pointout the next time I am ‘abrupt’ so I am ‘caught in the act’ so to speak and become aware of exactly what it is I say or do that that causes the upset.

As for the remainder of my response, I would have a lot more understanding when I say:

1)      I am not responsible for how other people interpret things, I can only do my best to ensure that my action and my words are congruent and convey the same message
2)      No matter what I say or do, they may still get the wrong idea
3)      As long as I know my intention is noble and I take responsibility for the emotional wake I leave behind, that’s the best I can do and should be sufficient.

Will I REALLY do that? That is the intention. Time will tell. In the meantime, perception is a word I am much more comfortable with now; although I know as I continue to contemplate it, new understanding may well emerge.