Louise Hay taught me about mirror work in her book ‘You can heal your life.’
I did what many of us do. Shelf-development. I read it without stopping to do any of the exercises, then stashed it on a bookshelf.
From time to time I’d take it down, open it randomly and start reading. For the next few months it would lie next to my bed until I got fed up with the accumulating pile (of books) and in a fit of exasperation, find shelving space for the entire caboodle.
Moving to England
It was one of the few books I brought with me to England. Life was tough. I was struggling to adapt to my job, a different culture, a new way of life, and on top of that, I had enormous relationship challenges.
One day as I got off the bus on the way to work, I was thinking ‘I can’t do this anymore’ when a voice in my head said loud and clear: ‘Dig deeper’.
That is when I remembered the mirror work Louise Hay talks about in her book. The idea is simple. You stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and say to the person in the mirror ‘I love you.’
Like many simple ideas, it does not mean doing it is easy.
Facing the mirror
I decided to give it a go. Back home, I went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. It felt odd. Strange and weird. But so did my life. Every day was like wading through treacle. And if this was going to help, who was I to refuse? So I did it. I stood in front of that mirror, looked myself deeply in the eyes and said ‘I love you.’
And you know what? It felt good. Re-assuring. I repeated it again and again. It was comforting and I began to feel calmer and encouraged to use it regularly. I would do it in the ladies’ toilets at work, silently when washing my hands or pretending to attend to my hair when others were about and saying it out loud when I had privacy. Speaking it made a difference.
Things started to improve. Life became more bearable. Challenges that seemed insurmountable began to look less daunting. I felt more supported; like was not on my own and did not have to do life by myself.
A valuable lesson
The upshot of that was that I learned to do mirror work whenever I needed extra help, comfort or support. Or just because. It is one of those tools I share with my clients when it is appropriate. Many find it confrontational or uncomfortable and give up at the first attempt. Some won’t even go there because it seems too far-fetched.
I got over my discomfort a long time ago. When I recently watched a video series with Robert Holden, a long-time student of Louise Hay and A Course in Miracles about how loving yourself by using mirror work can heal and improve your life, I jumped in and embraced the practices wholeheartedly. I have been doing them regularly ever since, so when the idea of using mirror work in relation to trusting myself came about, I was ready and keen to give it a go. Piece of cake for an experienced mirror worker, not so?
Err … yes…
Acute Discomfort
What I thought would be easy, turned out to be hugely uncomfortable and challenging.
As I looked in the mirror to say ‘I trust you, Riana’, I felt a tightness in my jaw followed by the weight of resistance spreading down my arms and legs. Waves of nausea rose up from deep inside me and lodged in the back of my throat. Remembering Robert’s recommendation in the videos, I simply observed these sensations in my body.
I was aghast, to put it mildly. This was certainly not the reaction I had anticipated. Even so, deep down I knew that something profound was taking place and simply let it be, trusting that the process was working.
And it did. The next time I embarked on that exercise, there was hardly any discomfort. Now, a few days later I can look myself in the eye, speak those words, mean it and know that they are true. Something has shifted.
Trust has been an issue for me for a while. And now I have found a way to work on it that works for me. How does it get better than that?
Be courageous
Dear Reader, if you have gotten this far, then there is a takeaway for you here. What is it?
What is the thing you know you need to work on?
What is the thing you have been avoiding? That thing you cannot bear to think about and keep pushing away, yet know you must so everything else is not in vain?
Inner change can only start when you are honest with yourself. Yes, sometimes painfully honest.
If you do nothing else, go to the mirror, look deep into your own eyes and say it like you mean it: ‘I love you.’
Then be an observer in your own life and simply notice what is going on for you: thoughts, sensations in your body, images, sounds… whatever comes up. No need to judge. Just be with it.
If this feels too scary, remember, you are never alone: ‘Behind every blade of grass, there is an angel whispering: grow, grow, grow.’*
Besides, you can always get in touch. If I can’t help you, chances are I know someone who can.
*The Talmud
