How to get your own back

You know how it is. Sometimes something happens or someone says something that makes you SO angry, SO furious, you could spit at them.

You want to just get your own back, hurt them, stick a knife in deep and twist it with relish.

Some people throw things: knives, dinner plates, hairbrushes, and expensive vases. As far as I know, I have not actually done something like this. If I have, I was so out of my mind and mad with fury, I don’t remember it. And since nobody has filled me in with missing details, I have to conclude I am not a thrower.

No, I am much more subtle than that. The psychologists have a name for it: ‘Passive aggressive.’ And I was a master at it.

I say WAS because after years and years of practising this ‘art’ your relationships fall apart.

You find yourself on your own because your significant other has had enough and walked out. Your dwindling circle of friends are down to the last few diehards, you don’t get the promotion at work, your children are always on the run away from you and no one has the time of day or a smile for you.

So, I share my top tips here that might be a warning for you. However, I must insist on

Terms and Conditions of Use.

You may put your own spin on these ideas and even develop your own.

Be aware that there would likely be a fallout. This is especially true should you use these tips consistently and over a period of time.

When that fallout happens, which may be months or years down the line, you may be totally baffled and unable to connect your smart move(s) with the end result.

To really hit their mark, these tips work best with those closest to you.

On their own, none of these tips will rock the boat too much, possibly just raise an eyebrow. However, if there is already baggage, that is, an elephant in the corner, topics too sensitive and painful to discuss, well… then… ouch!

By using these ideas, you accept that you do so at your own risk, willingly take full responsibility for the outcome and will not under any circumstance implicate the author for any adverse effects you may suffer as a result.

Capiche?

OK, here goes…

1. Refuse to engage.
  When your partner suggests you have a talk, simply say NO and put a stake in the ground. Say something like ‘There is nothing to talk about’, ‘It’s not important’, ‘It won’t make a difference’ or ’I don’t want to talk’. Of course, you can always say ‘Not now, another time’ and then when that time comes, you put it off again.
2. Demand a response
  ‘We have to talk about this NOW, not later, not in 5 minutes, NOW!!!’
3. Up the ante
  Intensify Tip 2. Wait till your partner is in a rush when you want to talk. On their way out to work, the dentist, some other engagement or running late works well. It’s even better if they’re off to a very important appointment like a job interview. Alternatively, wait till they are in the throes of a task that requires intense concentration and focus, then demand their immediate and full attention.
4. Be generous with the imperatives
  Use ALWAYS and NEVER liberally.
  ‘You NEVER listen to me’.
  ‘You’re ALWAYS late.’
  ‘You NEVER buy be flowers.’
  ‘You ALWAYS bawl your eyes out. It is time you grow up!’
  ‘We can NEVER do anything I like. You ALWAYS have to have it your way!’
  ….Endless potential… what can I say…

1. Strategic ambush
  Wait till Saturday afternoon when he is into his sports, watching sport channels. Choose this time to confront him with the evidence of his misdemeanours.
  Guys, you get the drift here… pick her favourite TV program or activity… Strictly Come Dancing comes to mind.
2. Pile it on
  Remember when he got drunk all those years ago and forgot all about you? Substitute your own story here… Don’t leave anything out. Make sure you have a long list and work through it… from the top Baby. Oh! Have the list handy so you can keep adding to it. You don’t want to be leaving anything off next time!
3. Lay down the law
  Insist on being right. It’s your way or NO way!
4. Play deaf
  Whatever he or she says, do not listen. Close your ears, mumble ba-humbug or other nonsense phrase. Hum a tune. Fiddle with your mobile phone. Turn up the volume on the TV, radio or music.
5. Body language workout
  Roll your eyes. LOTS! Sigh meaningfully. Put your hands on your hips in a ‘just you dare’ pose. Purse your lips. Go to town on this. Exaggerate your postures and expressions. Work out some of your own. Develop your own favourites.
6. Stuck record
  Keep saying the same phrase over and over again.
  Every time your partner expects a response, just say the same thing again and again. ‘Yes dear…’ ‘Yes dear…’ ‘Yes dear…’ or ‘You talking to me…?’ ‘You talking to me…?’
7. Ignore them
  Open the post. Look for a recipe. Surf the internet. Read the newspaper/magazine/book/email. Flip through the TV channels. Tidy up the room. Start looking for something – ‘Have you seen my socks’ or keys or diary?
8. Stare them down
  Watch them intently and follow them with your eyes. Don’t say a word. Don’t twitch a muscle. Just watch them. Breathe slowly and steadily. It is important that you stay calm. The breathing will help you keep your cool. When they stop or run out of steam, say ‘Are you done? Good!’ Then carry on with whatever you were busy with before you were interrupted. If they start up again, just repeat the routine.